In a previous publication I mentioned how important it was to use persuasion in our relationships. This time I will provide other tools that will allow you to develop more fulfilling relationships.
Specifically, I will discuss these five things you should keep in mind for self improvement and growth to also spread to your partner and your romantic relationship:
1. Learn from your partner
2. Recognize her/his strengths
3. Recognize her/his point of view
4. Be interested in the most important people in the life of your partner
5. Create opportunities for fun.
For now, I will address these issues in a very general and schematic way, but I will dedicate future occasions to go deeper into each of these aspects, especially those ones perceived as more fundamental and/or complex. Your comments will enable me to identify the points that you consider the most important (and perhaps the most difficult) in relationships.
1. Learn from your partner
One of the most important features of any relationship is the ability to adapt, learn and change. For this reason, I wanted to mention this quality first. Our first commitment in a long-term relationship is transformation.
The first thing to need to acknowledge in a relationship, is that you are going to change. You'll have to do it if you want to form a stable, committed relationship. Your partner will demand it constantly, and you have to be prepared to do so without violating your principles but, at the same time, without being intransigent or complacent.
For now, you must be willing to learn from your partner because this is the easiest way to change. This way you create a stronger connection with your significant other (SO) and, by adopting similar patterns of behavior and thought, you are developing the ability to see things from her/his point of view. You're learning to understand her/him.
Even if your partner does not explicitly recognize this, over time she/he will notice that you have adopted ways of being and behaving similar to her/his, at least in some way.
Of course, some changes can be deliberate and conscious, but many occur unconsciously in every relationship.
This will create strong and lasting ties in the relationship, so do not worry if you think you are losing a part of yourself. Instead, you will be more sensitive to the social and personal conditions of your SO and this will give you a lot of satisfaction in the future. In addition, it will provide very positive feelings to your partner and this will be a sign that you are on the right track.
2. Recognize her/his strengths
This is an extension of the first idea and is also a convenient way to adjust to the change I'm mentioning. While this may sound obvious to most, let me tell you it is not. In many relationships, its members are not able to recognize their partner, they always want to be on the dominant side (which should not exist) of the relationship. They want to be the smartest, strongest, most capable, etc. And they will do everything possible to achieve this twisted goal.
Often, this interest to appear (it really is just an appearance) the most authoritative or outstanding member of the relationship doesn't allow us to recognize the other and it lead us to omit or degrade the capabilities of the other member of the relationship. Of course, this is a fundamental error derived from pride and is one of the aspects that rapidly deteriorate relationships of all kinds.
Once you abandon the need for control and dominance in your relationship, you will recognize that it is much healthier because you begin to notice that your partner has positive features worthy of being exalted.
There are many questions that you can think about; although it is important that you recognize her/his skills, you must be able to communicate this recognition implicitly and explicitly. Perhaps an unexpected note, a letter or an occasional comment are strategies you can add to your repertoire to accomplish this.
3. Recognize her/his point of view
I mention this aspect in third place because it is connected to the previous point, but also because it is one of the most difficult achievements to be attained in a relationship. The intransigence, stubbornness, selfishness and power struggles prevent disputes to be resolved faster and easier than they should.
Often, people recognize that their partners are right, but to accept this fact and communicate it explicitly to that person is usually a challenge that most people can not overcome.
Of course, it feels good to be right. It feels good to win an argument and make others adopt our views. The problem arises when this interest is above the mutual well-being in a relationship.
4. Be interested in the most important people in the life of your partner
When you start a relationship, you enter one of the most exclusive circles of people in your family and your first duty is to know who those people are. For this reason, you will receive invitations to have lunch with their parents, go out with friends or meet your partner's coworkers or classmates.
Surely, you are going to make these invitations too. So you must be consistent with this fact. You must do your best to establish a good relationship with these people. It is not a secret that the success of the relationship is partly determined by the opinion that the people who are part of that select circle of your partner have on you.
Because of this, I present three mandatory questions you should be able to answer if you comply fully with this point.
1. Who is your partner's best female friend? Name one positive quality of this person from your own point of view.
2. Who is your partner's best male friend? Mention an unforgettable moment that this person has had with your partner.
3. Name the three major qualities and the three major shortcomings of each of the parents of your partner according with your own perspective of them.
5. Create opportunities for fun.
A relationship is a space to relax, to relieve stress and to have fun. Sometimes couples focus solely on responsibilities, appointments, obligations, disagreements and mutual defects and forget to have fun with some good laughs. This is a fundamental point that many people overlook because they fail to recognize its importance.
Gradually, those special moments to relax are forgotten and the most serious aspects of the relationship consume almost the relationship in its entirety. This can have a profound and negative impact in the long term because the relationship will wear out very quickly.
Emotional maturity of the relationship (and the ability to create opportunities for fun) is tested when both are able to make fun of themselves, create funny nicknames for each other, laugh at their words and actions and fiddling with small things without ever bothering or take it too seriously.
In an upcoming post, I will discuss another five ways that will help you determine if you have a good relationship. If your fail the test, you should consider to work on these aspects for building a healthy relationship.
Share with other readers your impressions about this post and discuss which of these 5 points are weak or strong in your own relationship and why. If you consider yourself an expert in one or more of these points, tell us how you did it.
Find the spanish version of this post at: Sugerencias para tener una relación de pareja sana: Parte 1
Specifically, I will discuss these five things you should keep in mind for self improvement and growth to also spread to your partner and your romantic relationship:
1. Learn from your partner
2. Recognize her/his strengths
3. Recognize her/his point of view
4. Be interested in the most important people in the life of your partner
5. Create opportunities for fun.
For now, I will address these issues in a very general and schematic way, but I will dedicate future occasions to go deeper into each of these aspects, especially those ones perceived as more fundamental and/or complex. Your comments will enable me to identify the points that you consider the most important (and perhaps the most difficult) in relationships.
 |
| A partner will change our lives in very helpful ways if we are able to accept the challenge of abandoning little habits, behaviors and ways of thinking and feeling that are ingrained in us. |
1. Learn from your partner
One of the most important features of any relationship is the ability to adapt, learn and change. For this reason, I wanted to mention this quality first. Our first commitment in a long-term relationship is transformation.
The first thing to need to acknowledge in a relationship, is that you are going to change. You'll have to do it if you want to form a stable, committed relationship. Your partner will demand it constantly, and you have to be prepared to do so without violating your principles but, at the same time, without being intransigent or complacent.
Finding the balance between what you must preserve and what you need to leave behind in a relationship is complicated, but with the right effort, you can develop this skill over time.
For now, you must be willing to learn from your partner because this is the easiest way to change. This way you create a stronger connection with your significant other (SO) and, by adopting similar patterns of behavior and thought, you are developing the ability to see things from her/his point of view. You're learning to understand her/him.
Even if your partner does not explicitly recognize this, over time she/he will notice that you have adopted ways of being and behaving similar to her/his, at least in some way.
Of course, some changes can be deliberate and conscious, but many occur unconsciously in every relationship.
This will create strong and lasting ties in the relationship, so do not worry if you think you are losing a part of yourself. Instead, you will be more sensitive to the social and personal conditions of your SO and this will give you a lot of satisfaction in the future. In addition, it will provide very positive feelings to your partner and this will be a sign that you are on the right track.
 |
| "1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I had the privilege to meet you". |
You can not remain the same while building the foundation of your relationship.
2. Recognize her/his strengths
This is an extension of the first idea and is also a convenient way to adjust to the change I'm mentioning. While this may sound obvious to most, let me tell you it is not. In many relationships, its members are not able to recognize their partner, they always want to be on the dominant side (which should not exist) of the relationship. They want to be the smartest, strongest, most capable, etc. And they will do everything possible to achieve this twisted goal.
Often, this interest to appear (it really is just an appearance) the most authoritative or outstanding member of the relationship doesn't allow us to recognize the other and it lead us to omit or degrade the capabilities of the other member of the relationship. Of course, this is a fundamental error derived from pride and is one of the aspects that rapidly deteriorate relationships of all kinds.
Once you abandon the need for control and dominance in your relationship, you will recognize that it is much healthier because you begin to notice that your partner has positive features worthy of being exalted.
To accomplish this, start thinking carefully about all these features. Does your partner has very good ideas?, is she/he usually very creative?, is she/he relaxed and oriented towards positive things?, is she/he a risk taker?, does she/he like to take the initiative?, is she/he balanced emotionally?, does she/he have a good sense of humor?, etc.
There are many questions that you can think about; although it is important that you recognize her/his skills, you must be able to communicate this recognition implicitly and explicitly. Perhaps an unexpected note, a letter or an occasional comment are strategies you can add to your repertoire to accomplish this.
 |
| Putting ourselves above our partner is usually reinforced socially -directly and indirectly- when people ask things like "Who is the boss in the relationship?" Please do not fall for this trick question and make sure that your partner doesn't fall for it either. |
3. Recognize her/his point of view
I mention this aspect in third place because it is connected to the previous point, but also because it is one of the most difficult achievements to be attained in a relationship. The intransigence, stubbornness, selfishness and power struggles prevent disputes to be resolved faster and easier than they should.
Often, people recognize that their partners are right, but to accept this fact and communicate it explicitly to that person is usually a challenge that most people can not overcome.
Once power struggles, desires of domination and resistance to change our way of thinking, feeling and acting in a relationship are abandoned, the relationship will be more balanced and it will be prepared to reach a level of harmony that few couples possess.
 |
| Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love, but in reality, LOVE is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. |
Of course, it feels good to be right. It feels good to win an argument and make others adopt our views. The problem arises when this interest is above the mutual well-being in a relationship.
4. Be interested in the most important people in the life of your partner
When you start a relationship, you enter one of the most exclusive circles of people in your family and your first duty is to know who those people are. For this reason, you will receive invitations to have lunch with their parents, go out with friends or meet your partner's coworkers or classmates.
Surely, you are going to make these invitations too. So you must be consistent with this fact. You must do your best to establish a good relationship with these people. It is not a secret that the success of the relationship is partly determined by the opinion that the people who are part of that select circle of your partner have on you.
Because of this, I present three mandatory questions you should be able to answer if you comply fully with this point.
1. Who is your partner's best female friend? Name one positive quality of this person from your own point of view.
2. Who is your partner's best male friend? Mention an unforgettable moment that this person has had with your partner.
3. Name the three major qualities and the three major shortcomings of each of the parents of your partner according with your own perspective of them.
 |
| Do not just be polite and friendly with the most important people in the life of your partner. Try to get a little more involved. Use every interaction to show why your partner has chosen you. |
5. Create opportunities for fun.
A relationship is a space to relax, to relieve stress and to have fun. Sometimes couples focus solely on responsibilities, appointments, obligations, disagreements and mutual defects and forget to have fun with some good laughs. This is a fundamental point that many people overlook because they fail to recognize its importance.
Gradually, those special moments to relax are forgotten and the most serious aspects of the relationship consume almost the relationship in its entirety. This can have a profound and negative impact in the long term because the relationship will wear out very quickly.
Do not forget that one of the reasons you have chosen to be in a relationship is because that person entertains you, makes you forget the problems and gives you happiness. Learn to enjoy that and make it a priority in your relationship.
 |
| This is my wish for you: comfort on difficult days, rainbows to follow the clouds, smiles when sadness intrudes, faith so that you can believe, sunsets to warm your heart, laughter to kiss your lips, courage to know yourself, hugs when spirits sag, patience to accept the truth, beauty for your eyes to see, confidence for when you doubt, friendships to brighten your being and LOVE to complete your life. |
Emotional maturity of the relationship (and the ability to create opportunities for fun) is tested when both are able to make fun of themselves, create funny nicknames for each other, laugh at their words and actions and fiddling with small things without ever bothering or take it too seriously.
In an upcoming post, I will discuss another five ways that will help you determine if you have a good relationship. If your fail the test, you should consider to work on these aspects for building a healthy relationship.
Share with other readers your impressions about this post and discuss which of these 5 points are weak or strong in your own relationship and why. If you consider yourself an expert in one or more of these points, tell us how you did it.
Find the spanish version of this post at: Sugerencias para tener una relación de pareja sana: Parte 1
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Thanks for reading! I want to help you to become the best version of yourself in the best way I can, so I care about your opinion. What do you think?