One of the central topics of this blog will be confidence. Without it, it is impossible to begin to transform yourself into a better person, since failure and criticism will be severely hurt if you lack a robust confidence in yourself.

You can find the spanish version of this article at: Cree en ti mismo: Claves para desarrollar auto-confianza

How to increase self-confidence
Believe in yourself and the others will believe in you too.

Self-confidence, succinctly defined by psychologists, is the belief that you can successfully perform a specific behavior. In short, to believe in yourself is to be sure that you will achieve something, it is to be sure about our own abilities.

"Believe in yourself" we are told frequently. However, that phrase wanders through our brain without being fully understood. We automatically assent to the sentence but we are unable to discern what it is really telling us. What does 'believe in yourself' mean and why it "seems" to be so important?

One of the main problems of people who want to change some aspect of their lives is that they DO NOT have the necessary confidence in themselves to be able to carry out the required actions to achieve their goals.

Moreover, confidence in yourself is essential know who you are, especially when you want to change something and you must face your old habits and your old way thinking so that you can do things differently and really accept things you have to do to change.

Believe in yourself. Trust yourself
Without self-confidence, it will be impossible to reach your full potential.


Kill the negative thoughts and the extreme self-vigilance

I have always believed that our own mind is the field with the more arduous battle in our lives, the most intense battle we have to endure is against ourselves, against that part of ourselves that do not want to change, against that part in ourselves that is comfortable with what you already know -good or bad- and just want to go on with that illusion called comfort zone, against that part of ourselves that do not want to face the sacrifice and effort required to do something different.

Our mind is our most dangerous enemy. The dialogue with ourselves is the hardest examination you have to endure in your whole life because it is a voice that can never be silent. 

It is a voice that is always telling ourselves what we should or should not do, what we should or should not avoid and not allowing ourselves to think about what we're doing to change.

It is a extremely vigilance 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and when you do not have the proper self-confidence, such monitoring will easily go against you and will materialize in emotions that can play you some nasty tricks.

Thoughts to develop confidence in yourself
Do not let your mind tell you that you're inappropriate. Search for the positive thoughts in your own mind.


Do not let emotions cloud your self-judgement

Emotions are the key to building our self-confidence and to persevere in the goals we want to achieve. Any kind of criticism, judgment or doubt (internal or external) begins to take its toll on our emotions and creates anxieties that tell us what we are not and what we lack. If we succumb to our own negative emotions, shame and self-pity will eventually sabotage our self-confidence.

This way, we develop feelings of being unhelpful, unable to do things. We start to feel like losers, not worthy of any good. We feel mediocre, clumsy and incompetent. Soon these harmful feelings begin to transcend our own territory and began to project to others without being noticed, which feeds the vicious cycle of negativity that we cultivated.

If we allow that those emotions and harmful thoughts hurt ourselves, we will begin to act on these feelings and thoughts, which will make that the snowball of self-inflicted injury hurt us even more.

Challenging your lack of self-confidence
Having a poor self-confidence will damage your motivation.

So, my advices to you are these:

1. Self-confidence is not some magic feature that some of us have and some of us don't. We all need self-confidence and we all have it in a specific amount.

2. Your mind is your most dangerous enemy. If you let bad thoughts to run freely on your mind, your self-confidence will be severed.

3. You need to know yourself to develop self-confidence. You need to have a deep knowledge about your strenghts and weaknesses.

4. Control your self-talk. Say positive things to yourself. If you do not want to say something positive in a certain moment, be silent in your mind.

5. Emotions are the most important aspect of self-confidence. Do not judge yourself based on emotions. Try to be more objective and wait patiently until your emotions are settled to establish some minimun level of internal criticism about what you are doing wrong. Learn from your mistakes, not from your emotions. Do not listen to your emotions when you have a poor self-confidence. This will bury your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Use the rational part of your mind until you achieve more confidence.

Finally, I will leave you with this TEDx Conference entitled "The skill of self confidence" by Dr. Ivan Joseph

Remember that you're allowed to fall, but you must get back up!

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